Your spouse filed for divorce in New Jersey. Here is your 35 days.

Being handed divorce papers is a bad afternoon even when you were expecting it. The useful thing to know immediately is that the deadline is real but not as short as it feels, and that responding does not mean fighting.

The clock: 35 days from service, not from filing

You have 35 days to respond, counted from the day you received the papers — not from the day your spouse filed, and not counting the day of delivery itself. If you were served on the 1st, your response is due on the 5th of the following month.

Your three real options

• An Acknowledgment of Service plus an Appearance. This is the amicable path. You confirm you received the papers, you tell the court you are participating, and you state that you do not contest the divorce. The fee for filing a first responsive pleading is $175. You are not agreeing to anything about property or children by doing this — you are only saying you are present.
• An Answer, and possibly a Counterclaim. This is what you file when you genuinely disagree with something in the complaint. It moves the case onto the contested track, which is slower and expensive, and is the point at which you should have your own attorney.
• Nothing. The case does not stop; it proceeds without you. After the 35 days, your spouse can ask the court to enter a default and the divorce can be finalized on their terms — including terms about property and support that you never saw.

The mistake people make

The two most common are opposite errors. Some people panic and file an aggressive Answer over something that could have been a phone call, converting an uncontested divorce into a litigated one at a cost of thousands of dollars each. Others do nothing at all — because responding feels like agreeing, or because they hope it goes away — and lose the ability to be heard about their own house and their own retirement account.

Responding is not surrender and ignoring is not resistance. Filing an Appearance in an amicable case is the cheapest, calmest thing you can do.

Read the settlement agreement before you sign anything

If your spouse sends you a proposed Marital Settlement Agreement, that document — not the complaint — is what decides your property, your debts, and any support. It becomes enforceable as part of the judgment. Whatever else you do, do not sign it because it arrived with a deadline attached. Having your own attorney read it once, for a flat fee, is the best few hundred dollars in this entire process.

When to stop reading and call a lawyer

If there is a restraining order, if you are afraid, if you disagree about the children, if you suspect assets are being hidden, or if your spouse has an attorney and you do not — those are not paperwork situations. If you cannot afford counsel, Legal Services of New Jersey (1-888-576-5529) is the place to start.

Clear Parting Docs is not a law firm and this is general legal information, not legal advice about your situation. For advice you can rely on, talk to a New Jersey attorney — any one you choose.